Let's talk it out

Something my husband still struggles to understand about me is my need to "talk it out." In his mind I'm bitching about the same thing over and over again, being indecisive. I know part of him just wants to grab me on both shoulders and shake me until I shut-up. What he doesn't see is the whacked out thought process going on and how many times I've already had this discussion in my head. By the time I've made my way to his ears there's been at least three renditions of the thought process, and now I'm just vocalizing it to see if it sounds as sane outside of my head as it did inside. You'd think that talking to another human being would be better than talking to myself, but clearly he thinks not.

My mother has had years of practice with this and knows the difference between a pause for comment, and a pause to catch my breath and continue. After almost thirty years of being my sounding board it's her turn to take a break, and part of his husbandly duties to humor me. I have a gut that has served me well, not only at meal time, but in life in general. I KNOW what it's telling me. I don't always listen, but I do always KNOW. If I come up with an idea, thought, or decision and don't KNOW, then I keep talking. As annoying as it may be, this process has never failed me, and I'm not about to abandon it now.

Tonight I KNEW and I'm in a better place because of it. WE'RE in a better place because of it.

Open mouth insert foot, and leg it's attached to

So, we've all had those moments where before your brain can start filtering your mouth you find yourself halfway down the road to, "No seriously, tell me how you really feel." Well that was me today and really the only excuse I have is that I was so tired I didn't know what I was saying until it was too late. I wasn't saying anything I haven't said before, but typically the comments are reserved for the ears of my husband, in the safety of our home, while sipping (guzzling) an adult beverage. Any other day I slap a smile on my face and become the sunshine princess that everyone knows and loves. Not the case today. Today I felt the need to air ALL of my frustrations about my boss to a coworker. The horrified look on her face said it all and as quick as I could I just.stopped.talking. It was like a train wreck and I was watching from inside. Twelve hours later I still can't believe I lost control. I mean seriously, how does the control freak loose control?

Clearly I have some issues that need to be addressed before I have another attack and this time on said boss. That will be the express train to unemployment and waiting tables. The longer I work in customer service, the more I can relate to cartoons. There are so many times when I'm sitting there with a smile glued to my face while imagining a baseball bat bonking the person in front of me repeatedly on the head. Or maybe their head just explodes mid inanely annoying request. When necessary I can fake interest like the best of them, but lately I catch myself in a blank stare wondering if they can see the daggers coming out of my eyes. Perhaps I need a career change. At the very least I need a vacation.